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Setting Boundaries for Better You!

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Boundaries Work book
Henry Cloud
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Setting Boundaries for Better You  






Boundaries empower you to take charge of your life. (Science of People 2023). The relationship that you build with the people around you depend on the boundaries that you set for yourself. The quality and happiness of your life that you value most are based on how you prioritize the various aspects of your life every day. The ability to set boundaries is a commonly overlooked social skill. (Science of People 2023). Many people find it difficult to set boundaries at work and in relationships. It is how we limit and protect ourselves for the time and energy that we must be productive and a better person to relate with. It is a form of protection to shield yourself from unwanted relationships and cutting which will not contribute to growth for your well-being. Setting self-boundaries tends to be always difficult and often regarded as selfishness to some. But it is not contradictory to that belief; One of the most valuable results is bringing out the best version of yourself. It is a fact that you could be productive at what you do and create healthier relationships with the people around you. When setting your boundaries, it is especially important to communicate openly. Be clear and emphasize the boundaries that you set. It is not enough that you know your boundaries and keep them to yourself, but rather define them with people around you for better understanding and mutual respect. Setting boundaries need not be complicated. Simple and realistic boundaries can easily be done to reclaim your energy, power, time, and relationships that are significant to your personal growth. 


To bring out the better you, determine what boundaries to set and point out the significance it brings to yourself. Define them clearly for yourself and for others for them to understand and respect your boundaries. And establishing your boundaries just need to be simple and a joyful process and a life learning journey for personal growth. 


Different Boundaries and Why are these important? 


Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end up and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and taking responsibility for it gives me freedom. (Cloud 2018). Setting boundaries does not restrict you but gives you freedom instead. You will know well what your responsibilities are and how far you can be responsible for others. Boundaries can be personal, interpersonal, and professional.  


Personal boundaries define the limits you set for yourself in various aspects of life. Prioritizing yourself is one of the things to consider for personal boundaries. Self-care means taking your alone time and spending your energy for yourself. Be full of yourself. It may sound selfish, but it is not. It is providing yourself enough energy and quality to be at your best when you give yourself to others. As the saying goes,” You can’t pour out from an empty cup.” If your life is empty, in a mess, negatively stressed, and burnt out, then you are not in a good state to give yourself to others or do something better for yourself. Life can be hectic at times. And limiting yourself to what you must do, commit, and act can have a significant impact on a better self. With healthy boundaries, you could say “no” to others when you want to and make them comfortable with it. Personal boundaries can include physical, intellectual, emotional sexual, material, and time boundaries. Setting personal boundaries to these different areas of yourself does not mean more restrictions but having the freedom to manage your time, energy, and skills. The healthy boundaries you can set for your personal aspect will link to better self-confidence and self-esteem, greater creativity, and productivity, and more stable emotional intelligence. 



Interpersonal boundaries define the limits you set in your interactions with others. We humans are social beings, and we have the need to interact with others, seek support and feel our belonging. Though we feel the same, as individuals we have our own uniqueness and identify what relationship we need in our individual life. If we set healthy boundaries with our interaction and communication with others, then we would have relationships that are healthy and productive. If you are rigid with your boundaries, this will prevent others getting into your life. If you do the other way around like being too open for others, this would end up others disrespecting your privacy. Your boundary is permeable, and you will not be protected. Be mindful of the situation you are in. Always keep in mind that the extent to which you are flexible with your boundaries should be a level that you are comfortable and safe with. (DBT 2023). Setting your interpersonal boundaries can help maintain and grow your relationship with friends, family, colleagues, and employers. It can also protect yourself and foster self-esteem.  


Professional boundaries define the limits you set in your workplace and career. These are the legal, ethical, and organizational frameworks that protect both clients and employees, or workers, from physical and emotional harm, and help to maintain a safe working environment. (Relationship Australia 2023). You could investigate your workplace and by doing this you need to set accordingly. Different career and work environments differ work policies in so many ways. Defining the relationship with your colleagues, employers and clients is incredibly significant in this matter. One of the many sources of stress is from work. Workaholism is just one of the things that you need to deal with in your career life. Manage your responsibilities well, have a clear understanding of your role and ethical principles and code of conduct in your organization. Be assertive with your boundaries, and by this you can perform your role better, maintain good relationships and contribute to a safe environment for everyone at work. 





Defining and communicating your boundaries. 


Communicating your boundaries is the most essential step toward expressing your limitations and taking it as part of you to live meaningfully the way you want. Being able to concretize your boundary helps you and the people around you visualize and have clarity on what is possible and not. You and the other people can be able to draw the line as boundaries are often confusing as these are abstract and invisible. To start, it is best to sit down and get some time to reflect on your situation. Define what is causing you unnecessary stress and discomfort. What takes away your energy and makes you exhausted? What makes you safe and comfortable? What do you look forward to in a day? It is best to share with others and let them understand. Do not assume that they get it. As social psychology researcher Brene Brown says, “Clear is kind, unclear is unkind.” (Science of People 2023). If you clearly know your boundaries and put them into practice, then communicate them with the people around you. If people are aware of your boundaries, it could be difficult to understand and accept sometimes, especially in the beginning, however, most people will respect them and would become accustomed to it when relating to you. It can take some time, but no harm to reiterate yourself.  You do not need to be harsh to be polite, especially in saying “no”. Remember that setting healthy boundaries is not selfishness, it is a way of becoming a better you for yourself and others. 





The boundaries you set in your life will define who you are, shape your growth and relationships. Your time, energy, and potential that you have will be in proper use for a greater advantage to yourself growth and more purposeful life that you can live. Start on realistic and simpler boundaries that you can practice, take your time, and reflect deeply on what needs to be changed and can improve you. Be clear, communicate your boundaries and thirdly, stay firm. (The Mindset Mentor Podcast 2023). By establishing clear boundaries, there is more freedom to express, live a free stressful day, genuine relationship and of course a happier life. Protect yourself because nobody else will, set your boundaries no matter what because this is the best action you can do to bring the better you for yourself and others. 




Cloud, H & Townsend J. 2018. Boundaries Workbook. USA. Zondervan 


DBT. 2023.Interpersonal Boundaries. Watch on 15.09.2023 



Dial, R. 2023. The Mindset Mentor Podcast. How to Set Boundaries 

Listened in Spotify 15.08.2023 


Relationship Australia. 2023.  

Maintaining personal and professional boundaries 



Science of People. 2023. How to Set Boundaries: 5 ways to Draw the Line Politely. Read on 30.09.2023 



Therapist Aid LLC.2016. What are Personal Boundaries. TherapistAid.com 

Read on 20.09.2023 





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