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The library of essays of Proakatemia

How to win friends and influence people

Kirjoittanut: Ariel Cohen - tiimistä SYNTRE.

Esseen tyyppi: Yksilöessee / 2 esseepistettä.

How to Win Friends and Influence People
Dale Carnegie
Esseen arvioitu lukuaika on 5 minuuttia.

How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie 


Another year has passed studying in Proakatemia and now it is time to start reaching the goal of 20 essay points once again. At the end of our paja, one of my team mates came to me with this book and suggested reading it, so influenced by that, l decided to write an essay about it. When l opened this the first time, l was surprised that it was originally published in the 1930 s and it got me thinking, why should l read a book that contains this outdated information about anything? When going more deeper, l understood that the same principles apply today. So ladies and gentlemen, here l present to you, an essay about a book called How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie.  


It starts with a quide, 9 suggestions on how to gain the most out of this book and it was surprisingly useful. Talking about how you need an actual passion towards this subject to gain something out of this, how to first read quickly through the chapters and then start again with a slower and more thoughtful tempo, stop to think about what you just read, use a pen to highlight important things for you (in my case l cant since it is not my book), don’t think that reading it only once will help you much, keep it always there to come back to it. Apply the learnings daily and monitor your progress. This does not only apply to this book, but to many others as well.  


Fundamental techniques in handling people 


Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.  

Most of us share the same issue, we don’t criticize ourselves about anything, no matter how wrong we are. There is, of course, some exceptions related to mental health issues but generally speaking. What it does, is that criticism becomes futile and dangerous. It puts us in the defensive mode and drives us to justify ourselves. Bad criticism wounds our pride and hurts feelings of importance, it scares us to know we are wrong. At least for me, I’ve always believed to this ideology of “if you don’t do this there will be sanctions” blackmailing and it is surely hard to start to think that we are driven more by rewards and not punishments. This is luckily changed a bit after becoming a father and gaining more understanding of people’s behavior. It is true that we are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion. Everyone can criticize but only the wise ones know how to be understanding and forgiving.  


Importance of giving honest and sincere appreciation. 

The only way for getting people to do what you want is to fill their needs. Needs can be health, food, money, or sex, but one of the most important things that people want is the feeling of importance. This is the desire that wants you to wear cool-looking clothes, brag about your new car or talk about your super-smart children. The feeling of importance determines your character and it can be achieved by appreciation and encouragement.  

Mixing appreciation and flattery is common, first, one is condemned and the second one is universally admired. Flattery is cheap praise where you tell the other person what he wants to hear, appreciation in the other hand is unselfish and sincere. There we forget ourselves and start to think of others’ brilliant ideas.  


Awaken in another person an eager desire. 

We are interested in what we want, but the fact is that no one else is. The only way to influence others is to talk about what they want and show them how to achieve it. Citing Henry Ford: “If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” 

This isn’t manipulation, don’t get it wrong. The idea is for everyone to gain something out of this negotiation.  


Six ways to make people like you 

Learn how to be genuinely interested in others for gaining their trust and friendship. We are interested in others when they are interested in us. The interest must be sincere and a two-way street.  

As we know, action speaks louder than words, so smile a lot. If you expect people to have a good time with you, you must have a good time with them. Make an effort to smile. If you’re by yourself, make an effort to whistle, hum, or sing. Acting as though you are already joyful will usually make you joyful. 

Control your mind. Happiness is a result of internal factors, not external ones. You are not happy or sad because of what you have, who you are, where you are, or what you are doing. It is what you perceive it to be. Personally reflecting on this, this is so true. No matter how fucked up things are, it is all about your mindset. Your smile is the rainbow breaking through the dark clouds. 

According to Dale, our names are the sweetest and most important sound in any language, and we would be more interested in our own name over all other names on earth put together. Most of us do not remember names, and that is the cause of not being that interested in learning them. The name makes us unique and it works as magic when dealing with others.  

As talked earlier, people are more interested in themselves than others so encourage them to talk about themselves and be good listener. Ask the right questions that the opposite enjoys answering. Accomplishments are good to start for most of us.  

Learn how to make the other person feel important and do it sincerely. As we need the feeling of being important, always make others feel important. Let others realize in some fine way that you recognize their importance. 



How to get people into your way of thinking. 

If you want to get the best out of the argument, you should not get into it. After every argument usually both parties are convinced that they are right, so you cant really win an argument and get people on your side. If you win it, you make the other party feel inferior and it hurts their pride and feeling of importance. The keys not to turn disagreement into argument are just simply welcoming the disagreement, be honest, let the other party speak first and analyze, control your temper and promise to think about other party’s ideas and think about them carefully. It is also good to think before even entering argument to think that could l be wrong in the first place. 

Show respect for the other party’s opinions and never say that they are wrong. When someone says something that you know that is wrong, just say: ‘Well, now, look. I thought otherwise but I may be wrong. I frequently am. And if I am wrong, I want to be put right. Let’s examine the facts.’ You never will get into trouble by admitting that you are wrong. Humans value honesty.  

If the situation comes where you are clearly wrong, just admit it quickly. It is better to do it ourselves than let the other party punish us for it. It might even solve the problem created by the mistake. “When you are right, try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking. When you are wrong – and that will be surprisingly often, if you are honest with yourself – admit your mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm.” 

Begin the conversations in a friendly way and get him to say “yes, yes!” quickly. When convincing others, the best what you can do is to get them to feel that they came up with the idea firsthand. Sympathy towards others’ ideas works like magic, most of us just need some sympathy to love.  

When it is time for some negative feedback, make sure you call people’s mistakes indirectly. And soften the topic by talking about your mistakes first. People won’t like to hear that they did something wrong in the first place. Asking questions rather than giving direct orders and letting the opposite party save their faces generates trust. Let them know that you are proud of even the slightest improvement and celebrate bigger ones. (Carnegie, 1936)





An interesting book that works in today’s world although it is first published in the 1930s. Tips and tricks that every modern-day leader should know in order to create a successful working environment.  



Carnegie.D. 1936. How to win friends and influence people. WSOY.

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