Dare to lead part 2 – Communication

In the previous essay about Brené Brown’s book called “Dare to lead” I wrote about perfectionism and how it affects work culture and individual, where does it come from and how we can change it for better. In this essay I talk about how we let our fears to control our enjoyment in happy moments. Also I talk about old believes toward communication and how it affects us.

Like perfectionism, fear of feeling joy comes from the inside. It’s a feeling where you don’t want to let yourself feel joy and happiness because then you are going to feel disappointed. You forget the present moment and only think about future that might not even happen. Usually in these cases we fear things that are made up in our own mind. It’s human nature to start think the opposite and when it’s going to happen during joyful times. All this rises from the state of vulnerability because joy requires it the most. When you feel joy, you allow yourself to feel and experience beauty, impermanence, and fragility. All these are very powerful and delicate feelings. No wonder if there will be opposite thoughts that starts to rise as a self-defense mechanism. We simply don’t want to be being hurt and we choose to stay prepared for the hard times. One thing about hard times in life is that we really cannot fully prepare for those moment so keeping that in mind it would be good choice to enjoy those beautiful moments when there is possibility for that. I had moment recently where the anticipation itself brought me joy and I didn’t know is this situation really going to even happen. My mind started to build walls and counter feelings and thoughts like “it’s not going to happen” and so on. I decided to not give power for those thoughts, and I focused on the positive side. It really made me happy and full of life when I let go of those limiting believes. The situation didn’t happen after all but I learnt a lot that I should still enjoy the possibility when it’s in your hands. I didn’t become disappointment, instead I grew wiser and learnt from myself. (Brown 2018.)

In the team company that I’m part of we had conversation about how not celebrating small and big successes blocks the unity within the team and how it slows everything down. One of my teammates said that we should also celebrate the process and not only the moments of glory. Let’s celebrate the journey and the fact that we are moving forward into good direction. I really liked that statement and stand behind it. It really doesn’t take much to celebrate successes, round of applause can get the job done too. Small things have very big impact on team’s performance. It’s weird how especially in Finland we don’t talk about things, positive or bad ones. We keep things inside us, and it tears and eats relationships inside families, companies, and schools etc. My grandmother always says, “Best without talking and clean without washing”. Here we can see how older generations has these kinds of limiting mindsets that affects the younger generations too. In the saying it means that we don’t have to talk about things because it wouldn’t make a difference. Why even bother attitude. I changed this saying to opposite and it goes “Best to talk and clean by washing”. I disagreed so much with my grandmother on this one, so I needed to change it for myself. I will make a difference, I will go through hard conversations, I will show my feelings and I will talk. We need more communication and I want to be one of the change makers. With this kind of mindset, we can change generational issues that are powered by traumas. Communication is a mindset that we can learn and master. (Brown 2018.)

When leaders will take on this journey things starts really change. Of course, individuals who thinks the same helps tremendously but we need to people in high places to think like this too. Maybe the individuals can be the motivation for the leaders to change their mindset. Burning fire needs spark to start it. Here is good to end this essay and let’s see what I will talk about in the next essay about this book.

Sources:

Brown, B. 2018. Dare to lead. London. Vermillion, an imprint of Ebury Publishing.