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The library of essays of Proakatemia

Feedback Essay



Kirjoittanut: Sille Sinor - tiimistä SYNTRE.

Esseen tyyppi: Blogiessee / 1 esseepistettä.
Esseen arvioitu lukuaika on 2 minuuttia.

We made a challenge inside of our team SYNTRE Osk to read each other’s essays and write feedback essays about them. The goal is to read each other essays and get to know each other writing styles and interests. Also to provide quality peer reviews to improve each other’s writing skills.

 

Dar Greatly, instead of armoring yourself, Seungyeon Shin, 12/2022.

 

This essay states to reflect the author’s personal learnings and the SYNTRE team’s learning based on the last semester. It goes over the theory of armored- and daring leadership by Brown, TASC-method, and Tuckman’s team model. 

The introduction is a bit misleading and not that informative. From the introduction, the reader might understand that the essay would focus to explain where the team is going and dive more into it, and what has led to the situation. As well as not only at the team level but also at the writer’s individual level. Instead, the essay goes over many interesting theories and notes about armored- and daring leadership and how the reader feels inspired by it and brings up the parts of the theory she feels close to or inspired by. 

Tuckman’s team model is mentioned and referred to, but not opened up fully. SYNTRE team gets compared to where the writer sees the team in the current moment. But the observation is based on her feeling and is not more open to the reader on what actions have led the team to be in the situation. To improve, it would be good to share the point of view on why the author feels that the team is at some stage in Tuckman’s team model. Also, open Tuckman’s team model either verbally or by a picture, so it is more understandable what different states there are in the theory and what are the requirements. 

As earlier mentioned the author focuses a lot on the armored- and daring leadership theory. As interesting and eye-opening as it was to read about it, it was hard to separate the author’s thoughts and the material she was using. It felt like reading about the theory from her point of view while she was referring to it. 

From the armored- and daring leadership theory, there was a lot to take in and I feel I can benefit from it in my own learning. But I failed to see how it is reflecting on the author’s journey. I would have wished to hear more of the author’s thoughts and experience as well. 

The way the TASC- method was introduced and went over was quick and I wished she would have focused more on the possibilities of how to integrate the usage of it into SYNTRE. Maybe also go more into detail about why she thinks it is a good tool for the team of SYNTRE.

The construction of the essay could have been improved. As it was hard to recognize the body from the conclusion and introduction. It was more or less one text that jumped from one theory to another. 

In the conclusion, it would have been nice to put reasons for why and how she learned and recognized things. Giving the reader a clearer picture of what she is thinking.

 

I would recommend this essay if you are looking to introduce yourself to the armored- and daring leadership theory and to the TASC method. The author has a very good way of talking about them also it she has a lot of good sources she refers to.

 

https://esseepankki.proakatemia.fi/en/dare-greatly-instead-of-armoring-yourself/

 

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