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The library of essays of Proakatemia

Feedback essay



Kirjoittanut: Ariel Cohen - tiimistä SYNTRE.

Esseen tyyppi: Blogiessee / 1 esseepistettä.
Esseen arvioitu lukuaika on 2 minuuttia.

Our team is struggling in reading other team mate’s essays, so we created a new way where members start to read others’ essays and also got points from it! Our goal now is to make at least 3 feedback essays per semester where we read and give feedback on a minimum of 3 essays.    

 

The first essay l read was from Katrina and it was about second-level thinking: 

 

https://esseepankki.proakatemia.fi/en/what-is-second-level-thinking/ 

 

The essay is well-structured, with clear headings that help the reader navigate the different sections. The author provides an informative introduction that draws the reader’s attention to the importance of decision-making and the role of thinking in this process. The author also effectively uses examples, such as the hypothetical newspaper contest by John Maynard Keynes, to illustrate the difference between first and second-level thinking. 

One of the strengths of this essay is that it highlights the relevance of second-level thinking beyond investing and business. The author notes that this skill can be applied to different areas of life, which makes the essay more relatable to a broader audience. Additionally, the essay provides practical steps for practicing second-level thinking, which enhances the essay’s value as a self-help guide. 

Overall, this essay is well-written and informative. It provides a clear explanation of first and second-level thinking, and the practical steps for practicing second-level thinking are useful. The only suggestion for improvement would be to provide more concrete examples of how second-level thinking can be applied in different areas of life beyond the hypothetical newspaper contest. Nonetheless, this essay is a useful resource for anyone looking to develop their critical thinking skills and make better decisions. 

 

The second essay l read was from Sille Sinor and it was about Managing voluntary work better. 

 

https://esseepankki.proakatemia.fi/en/managing-voluntary-work-better/ 

 

Overall, the essay provides helpful tips for organizations to manage their volunteers and recruit new ones. However, some improvements could be implemented. 

 

Some of the sentences are unclear and difficult to understand, which can make it harder for the reader to follow the steps. The essay could be organized more clearly. For example, it could start with an introduction that explains the importance of managing and recruiting volunteers, followed by the ten steps outlined in the book, and end with a conclusion that summarizes the main points. 

Refering to the book “10 askelta parempaan vapaaehtoistoimintaan” by Karreinen, Halonen, and Tennilä, it didn’t include information about the book publisher and year.  

There were a few errors in grammar and spelling throughout the essay that could be corrected to improve the readability. 

The essay provides a good starting point for organizations looking to manage and recruit volunteers but could be improved with more clarity, organization, and detail. 

 

The third essay l read was from Donee and it was about Franchising as a business model. 

 

https://esseepankki.proakatemia.fi/en/franchising-as-a-business-model/ 

 

The essay provides a clear and concise explanation of the franchise business model, including the benefits and drawbacks of opening a franchise. It is well-organized, and the language used is easy to understand. Donee also included specific details about franchising in Finland, which adds value to the essay. However, the essay could benefit from additional examples of successful franchises or real-world experiences of franchise owners. Overall, it is a solid overview of the franchise business model. 

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