23 May, Thursday
9° C

The library of essays of Proakatemia

Feedback and Reflection Essay on Tuuli-Emily’s “Hard Truths on Leadership”

Kirjoittanut: Katrina Cirule - tiimistä SYNTRE.

Esseen tyyppi: Yksilöessee / 2 esseepistettä.
Esseen arvioitu lukuaika on 4 minuuttia.

Feedback and Reflection Essay on Tuuli-Emily’s “Hard Truths on Leadership”



Tuuli-Emily is one of my teammates in SYNTRE. Recently, Emily has been very focused on producing essays, therefore, I am writing this one to reflect and learn from her writings about “Hard Truths on Leadership”. This essay is also a part of an initiative in SYNTRE to enable quality feedback giving to each other through 1-2 point essays.

I chose her essay “Hard Truths on Leadership” because, in the role of assistant coach this year, I have been facing quite many findings about leadership and myself. Therefore, I wish to broaden my perspective and see what others have learnt from their or other’s experiences. Since I have not yet sat down to truly take the time and reflect more deeply about the things I have learnt from my assistant coach journey so far, I believe that this topic is also a good start for my personal reflection.



As a tool for feedback on Emily’s work, I will be using Motorola and the essay evaluation criteria from Deakin University, which is located in Australia and positions in the Top 1% of the highest-ranking universities worldwide. (Deakin University 2021) Based on their research, the key elements of a good essay are:

  • presenting one’s point of view supported by research and theory;
  • analysis of another writer’s work;
  • the essay question has been directly answered;
  • a clear structure of the essay;
  • a reference list. (Deakin University 2022)



When looking at the criteria of good essays from Deakin University, I believe Emily has done a great job in almost all of them. The essay has a structure while it also flows very well. It has a trustable source while she also expresses her own opinion. And the essay goes in depth while keeping the tone of it light and understandable.

Another aspect of what has gone well in this essay is that it has a short introduction where Emily explains her personal link to the topic, which makes me as a reader more connected to her writings. For example, she writes more about her experience in leadership roles and the support, as well as obstacles that she has faced. And then reflects on the theory, which makes the content seem more credible.

From the technical point of view, I believe that smoothly splitting text in paragraphs and editing the key points in bold is a great way to keep the attention of the reader and ensure that the main points are clear. And I must mention that Emily’s English and grammar skills make it very easy to follow the text.



As mentioned, the structure of the essay, in my opinion, has a nice flow to it. However, I believe it could be improved by making the text in the beginning more clearly outlined, since to me it seems too distributed. For example, the paragraph of “I was fortunate enough to also meet people…” only has one sentence. However, I also understand if that was meant to be emphasised as an emotional statement.

There is also a small editing error in the paragraph of “#2. It’s not about how good you are. It’s how good you can get others to be.”. One of the sentences is split into two different paragraphs, therefore the punctuation marks are also incorrect. Nevertheless, these are very minor and technical aspects.

The third and last improvement point relates to the references. In the reference of the main source, there wasn’t mentioned the year of its publication. From my own experience, sometimes the sources simply don’t mention that date. However, in these kind of situations, one can use an internet archive tool, such as WayBackMachine (you can find it at https://web.archive.org). There, you paste the link of the article, and it shows the year when that link has first been active, therefore, when it has first been published. Although it doesn’t work with all the links on the Internet, it gives an answer most of the times.



I believe I got to see a new perspective on the responsibility of the leader. Tobias Charles, the author of the main source of Emily’s essay, implies that everything is a leader’s fault. My first reaction, similarly to Emily, is contradicting. However, Charles later explains that if a leader is responsible for the company’s success, then the leader is in charge to take this pressure off the team, so they could focus on results.

While I believe that leader is in a position to guide others, I also see that the responsibility of the results in an organisation where people truly care about what, how, and why they do things, lies on everyone. As Simon Sinek has once said: “Leaders are not responsible for the results. Leaders are responsible for the people who are responsible for the results.”



In conclusion, I wish to thank Tuuli-Emily for being open about her leadership experiences and bringing new points of view to the table. I believe that although there could be some technical improvements, the essay was very well written, and “the hard pills to swallow” made me more thoughtful about the beliefs I have created when it comes to leadership. I hope my feedback is useful in Tuuli-Emily’s and perhaps someone else’s essay writing process, too!

I suppose the one thing I will take for the future is that there isn’t a one right answer for what leadership is. Different people, times, challenges, and industries call for different types of leaders. And opening your eyes to the before unseen approaches gives new opportunities to empower others.



Deakin University. 2021. Choose Deakin to own your future. Read on 09.02.2023. https://www.deakin.edu.au/about-deakin/why-deakin

Deakin University. 2022. What are the key elements of a good essay? Read on 09.02.2023. https://blogs.deakin.edu.au/deakinlife/2022/08/19/what-are-the-key-elements-of-a-good-essay-6/

Liivat, T. 2023. Hard truths on leadership. Read on 07.03.2023. https://esseepankki.proakatemia.fi/en/hard-truths-on-leadership/

Post a Comment